ThreeFootTallTotMonster

Shortly after Zachy was born...This...

Quickly turned to this...

Poor totgirl. Her world had been rocked. We tried to explain the whole baby brother, big sister thing beforehand, but her second birthday was just four days before he was born, so her ability to really comprehend the whole thing was quite limited.

The day before Zachy was born, totgirl and I had a pretty spectacular day. Our day was oddly spontaneous, given that it was a Wednesday (which was the day in between my work days, so we usually stayed very close to home). But that day, she woke up unusually early. We went to the park in the morning and then she napped early. Totgirl needed some new sneakers, so I thought, 'What the heck...let's venture to the mall.' For many, this would not be something they thought through, but we live an hour from the mall, so it really isn't a simple trip. But, she was up from her nap by 12:30 and I figured it might be one of our last chances to get there before 'he' was born (little did I know how true this was!). So, to the mall we went. We had a great time. She played in the playarea and ran my 8 month pregnant self around. All the other totlets seemed to be much more subdued than my girl, but she did manage to gather quite a few smiles as she ran and ran...and had me chase and chase her. She was exceptionally free spirited that day; We both were, and people enjoyed it... they enjoyed watching her and her spunk.

We got home, had our normal nighttime routine. All was going as usual until about 12:30 a.m. when I realized my water had broken. My biggest thoughts at that time were about her. I was so worried about her and how this was all going to impact her, my baby girl. I wasn't feeling ready...but, once the water breaks, there is no choice.

Totgirl went to my friend Julie's house. Julie and her husband Dan and their boys were such an amazing  support to her over the next couple of days as she would visit them when Dad needed to be at the hospital. Of course totgirl came and visited and met her new brother. She was so sweet. And probably quite confused. She called her new brother, 'Cute.' She suddenly needed her Dad to carry her all over and would ask him to do so by saying, 'Q...Q me.'

Zachy was born on a Thursday and came home two days later. Totgirl came with Daddy to the hospital and we all made the drive home together, as a new family of four. Totgirl was a little shy for a half hour or so. I remember the moment reality set in for her. I was on the couch trying to feed him. She looked at us, got the saddest expression on her face, and just started to cry. She cried. I cried. We cried. For about five minutes. And then she was done and started to play. I think it took me longer to recover; I can still cry when I see that look in my memory, the look on her face right as it all hit her.

Our next six weeks were a blur. Totgirl was mad at me for sure. She would shun me every chance she got. I felt disconnected from her at times, which was very very hard. Before I knew her every move before she made it. Suddenly, we were out of sync. She would be wearing things I had not dressed in her, eating things I had not made...it was surreal.

We would watch the Sunny Side Up Show on Sprout and they would hand out Good Egg Awards. One day at Target I got her a little microphone. She would walk around with it saying, 'ZZ good egg, ZZ good egg.' (The story of ZZ is yet to come...but ZZ refers to her). Then she would call Daddy a good egg...Buddy the cat a good egg...Poopus (Rufus) the dog a good egg...Zachy a good egg.

I asked, 'What about Mommy? Is Mommy a good egg?'
To which she would reply, 'Daddy a good egg.'

Put me in my place! It was probably about 6-8 weeks after Zachy was born that she finally let me be a good egg and I also remember around that time knowing that I had my totgirl back. Ahhh... my sweetjoy!

But what about the ThreeFootTallTotMonster? Well, I may have gotten my totgirl back, but the playing field had changed. She had discovered that she had all sorts of power when it came to me needing to take care of Zachy. When I was trying to feed (nurse) him or put him down for naps, in particular, she would become a totgonewild. Sure, I would try to get her set up in some sort of quiet activity, but staying set in that activity required totcooperation, something she had NO intention of doing. Once when I was feeding him, I recall her taking cat food and dumping it all over the house in piles. I did not react, which took everything I had in me, but I did not want her to know that she was getting to me. I will say, she never did do that one again.

Somewhere between 6-9 months was particularly challenging. Zachy was not a great sleeper at night or during the day, so I was worn thin. When I would try to put him to sleep, I would go in the other room, dim the lights, put on white noise, all that 'good' stuff. But the one thing the 'books' don't account for is the ThreeFootTallTotMonster. Yep,  I would bribe her with a bottle of milk, even chocolate at times, and Caillou and hope and pray that he would fall asleep before she was done. But, of course not...THAT might have allowed me to have some peace....some sanity. I could hear her coming. My heart would start racing. I would feel short of breath. My head would start spinning. Panic. Here it comes....it is in the door...it is going to talk...REALLY LOUD...yep, it's her...

I swear she might as well have been ten feet fall during those times. She would drag toys in with her...the loudest toys she could find, the ones she NEVER played with otherwise. The whole experience was quite hideous. There were times I would find myself laughing, but only out of pure insanity.

My ThreeFootTallTotMonster is not totally gone...but one can hope we continue to see less and less of it and more and more of my sweet littletotgirl!

Regardless, she is a lovable little creature...just look at her....

Whether she is the ThreeFootTallTotMonster  or my sweet littletotgirl, I lovelovelove her like CRAZY!