ZZReturns!

Today Mackenzie decided we could call her ZZ. ZZ used to be her nickname, until she turned three at which time she decided we could no longer call her ZZ. But today ZZ became another character she plays in her imaginary world. She alternates persona's throughout the day. At times she is Baby Lucy. Baby Lucy is Teddy's little sister. Teddy is in her class at school. Teddy and Lucy's Mom happens to be the Preschool Room teacher. So, this week she plays as if she is part of their family. The other day I needed her to get dressed and she said that Teddy said she had to wear such and such. Her imaginary world usually trumps reality, in her mind that is. When she is Baby Lucy, she has to wear her baby outfit, which consists of a pull-up diaper and a pajama top. At times she is Mackenzie, in which case she wears a dress. When dressed as Mackenzie, she can also be Mommy to baby Bucee or a daycare teacher in any number of rooms. And now, today as ZZ, she decided she has an old shirt she must wear that was a ZZ shirt. And ZZ has certain things she does. ZZ has definite boundaries now. And we can only call her ZZ when she is in her ZZ shirt and doing ZZ things. So there!

It was cute. She has resisted any use of her nickname for several months now. I think she sort of liked being called ZZ again. Yet in some way it threatens her Independence and Control since she was the one who decided that nobody could call her ZZ anymore (even though she was the one who came up with the nickname in the first place!). At one point she said we could call her 'Mackenzie-ZZ.'

So, we shall see tomorrow who she is and what we can call her. My guess is, she'll be a variety of people.

Mackenzie-ZZ is pretty much an all waking hours comedy routine these days. A lot of it doesn't translate well into writing. However, she has had a couple of recent good one liners...so how 'bout a little TotMusings, courtesy of the one and only Mackenzie-ZZ!

• After dumping her markers and crayons all over, she says, 'Momma, look I cleaning this mess up for you!' Could she BE any sweeter?!?
• 'Mommy, Zachy was waiting his turn when I was coming out of your tummy.' I guess she can be pretty sweet after all!

ZZTotgirl

Who is ZZTotgirl?

Mackenzie Nicole...born on the Sixteenth of August, Two Thousand and Seven. Our first child. When Mackenzie was born, I saw my heart. For the first time, I felt a different kind of love, so powerful and intense that I knew that, if something were to happen to her, it would destroy me. I no longer mattered for me, but for her. Every day felt like Christmas. I could not WAIT to see her face in the morning, hold her and snuggle her and play with her and be her Mommy.

So, that's the simple answer...but myMackenzie...not that simple, not at all!

Mackenzie's Totgirl persona evolved as part of Facebook. Around the time I joined, she started to become something other than a baby and not quite a person, per se; In fact. she was somewhat alien at the time...so I referred to her as 'The Tot' or 'Totgirl.' I shared stories of the Totgirl's antics. She never failed to provide me with with ample material...still does! Still makes me laugh every day...well, almost...

Totgirl can be incredibly sweet and lovable....

(And is known for her hats)

Has her own sense of style...

(She has this hat in green too and a favorite memory is watching her in her carseat bopping her head with the green hat on to Pink's song, 'So What,' which she called the 'Na, Na" song)

Likes to be silly....

Has been described by many who know her as veryveryvery 'busy'....

She beats to her own drum for sure...see naked tot, loaded with purses....

( I was convinced at one point she had bag lady aspirations or was going to be a nudist pack rat - actually, that one is still a possibility)

Definitely a bit mischievous....

(armed and dangerous...still a favorite Totgirl activity)

And, well...totgirl isn't afraid to let you know if she doesn't like something....

(Yep, everyone might say she looks like her dad, but she definitely has my 'tude...attitude that is!)

Mackenzie's second year would be 'The Year of ZZ.' While I consider the ZZ to be part of the Totgirl persona, ZZ proper evolved somewhere during the latter part of 20some months of age. Out of the blue one day, while on the changing table, Mackenzie referred to herself as 'ZZ.' From there, she became ZZ. Sometimes we would just call her Z or Zeez. But it was on that day that ZZ  was born.

During her reign, ZZ turned (terribly) two...

And, just four days later, became a big sister...



ZZ loved to play babies...

(Before Zachy was born she used to put her babies in her play kitchen oven and head down in the sink...I figured we were in for some trouble once the baby came!)

She loved to play with her Little People, who we called 'The Girls' and would get them all together for a party...

(Her collection and parties grew considerably over the year...)

She could be slow to warm up and cautious, but was bizarrely fearless with animals...

(still is...)

She loved hats and at around two suddenly started to use a pacifier as a prop, which she called an 'a-fier'...

(One day while watching Barney, she HAD TO HAVE a party hat...this was the best I could do on such short notice!)

Have I mentioned she is a bit of a rebel...or, as I like to say...she is spirited....

(One of my FAVORITE pictures of ZZtotgirl....I think it captures her essence just perfectly)

She became quite the daredevil...

She developed her own sense of style. Her winter outfits went something like this, down to the (too small) black paten leather shoes...

Some two year olds have a comfort item, a lovey...ZZtheDivaTotgirl had an entourage...that grew....and grew....and grew....

And who could forget the hats! As her Tot B peeps would say, 'Don't mess with the hat!'

Hats...yep, even when she napped...and she would change from her black paten leather shoes to her slippers...

Definitely loves to be a naked (this is where country living DOES came in handy)...and loves running....

(Okay, is that a cute bum bum or WHAT?!?!)

ZZ spent her summer in dresses...

She's got her own PunkyBrewster kind of style going on...

ZZtotgirl always wants to go 'HIGHER! HIGHER!'...

 ZZtot potty trained during her second year...

 (She liked to park cars while she did the 'number two' thing...)

Truthfully, try as I may, it is sososo hard to truly do justice to my ZZtot....

SHE'S A NUT!



SHE'S GOT SASSY DOWN!

SHE LOVES TO LAUGH!

 SHE IS LOVABLE AND SWEET AND KIND AND CARING....

SHE'S ADVENTUROUS....

SHE'S A BIG SISTER...AS SUCH, I GET TO KNOW HER AND LOVE HER IN A WHOLE OTHER WAY...

 SHE'S SPIRITED AND LOVES TO BE A 'CRAZY GIRL'...

 SHE MELTS ME HEART...

Right before she turned three, she decided she was no longer to be called ZZ, she was to be called Mackenzie...but to me, she'll always be my little ZZtotgirl...

Momma loves you...Miss Mackenzie Nicole...Totgirl...ZZ...ZZtotgirl...LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY!

ThreeFootTallTotMonster

Shortly after Zachy was born...This...

Quickly turned to this...

Poor totgirl. Her world had been rocked. We tried to explain the whole baby brother, big sister thing beforehand, but her second birthday was just four days before he was born, so her ability to really comprehend the whole thing was quite limited.

The day before Zachy was born, totgirl and I had a pretty spectacular day. Our day was oddly spontaneous, given that it was a Wednesday (which was the day in between my work days, so we usually stayed very close to home). But that day, she woke up unusually early. We went to the park in the morning and then she napped early. Totgirl needed some new sneakers, so I thought, 'What the heck...let's venture to the mall.' For many, this would not be something they thought through, but we live an hour from the mall, so it really isn't a simple trip. But, she was up from her nap by 12:30 and I figured it might be one of our last chances to get there before 'he' was born (little did I know how true this was!). So, to the mall we went. We had a great time. She played in the playarea and ran my 8 month pregnant self around. All the other totlets seemed to be much more subdued than my girl, but she did manage to gather quite a few smiles as she ran and ran...and had me chase and chase her. She was exceptionally free spirited that day; We both were, and people enjoyed it... they enjoyed watching her and her spunk.

We got home, had our normal nighttime routine. All was going as usual until about 12:30 a.m. when I realized my water had broken. My biggest thoughts at that time were about her. I was so worried about her and how this was all going to impact her, my baby girl. I wasn't feeling ready...but, once the water breaks, there is no choice.

Totgirl went to my friend Julie's house. Julie and her husband Dan and their boys were such an amazing  support to her over the next couple of days as she would visit them when Dad needed to be at the hospital. Of course totgirl came and visited and met her new brother. She was so sweet. And probably quite confused. She called her new brother, 'Cute.' She suddenly needed her Dad to carry her all over and would ask him to do so by saying, 'Q...Q me.'

Zachy was born on a Thursday and came home two days later. Totgirl came with Daddy to the hospital and we all made the drive home together, as a new family of four. Totgirl was a little shy for a half hour or so. I remember the moment reality set in for her. I was on the couch trying to feed him. She looked at us, got the saddest expression on her face, and just started to cry. She cried. I cried. We cried. For about five minutes. And then she was done and started to play. I think it took me longer to recover; I can still cry when I see that look in my memory, the look on her face right as it all hit her.

Our next six weeks were a blur. Totgirl was mad at me for sure. She would shun me every chance she got. I felt disconnected from her at times, which was very very hard. Before I knew her every move before she made it. Suddenly, we were out of sync. She would be wearing things I had not dressed in her, eating things I had not made...it was surreal.

We would watch the Sunny Side Up Show on Sprout and they would hand out Good Egg Awards. One day at Target I got her a little microphone. She would walk around with it saying, 'ZZ good egg, ZZ good egg.' (The story of ZZ is yet to come...but ZZ refers to her). Then she would call Daddy a good egg...Buddy the cat a good egg...Poopus (Rufus) the dog a good egg...Zachy a good egg.

I asked, 'What about Mommy? Is Mommy a good egg?'
To which she would reply, 'Daddy a good egg.'

Put me in my place! It was probably about 6-8 weeks after Zachy was born that she finally let me be a good egg and I also remember around that time knowing that I had my totgirl back. Ahhh... my sweetjoy!

But what about the ThreeFootTallTotMonster? Well, I may have gotten my totgirl back, but the playing field had changed. She had discovered that she had all sorts of power when it came to me needing to take care of Zachy. When I was trying to feed (nurse) him or put him down for naps, in particular, she would become a totgonewild. Sure, I would try to get her set up in some sort of quiet activity, but staying set in that activity required totcooperation, something she had NO intention of doing. Once when I was feeding him, I recall her taking cat food and dumping it all over the house in piles. I did not react, which took everything I had in me, but I did not want her to know that she was getting to me. I will say, she never did do that one again.

Somewhere between 6-9 months was particularly challenging. Zachy was not a great sleeper at night or during the day, so I was worn thin. When I would try to put him to sleep, I would go in the other room, dim the lights, put on white noise, all that 'good' stuff. But the one thing the 'books' don't account for is the ThreeFootTallTotMonster. Yep,  I would bribe her with a bottle of milk, even chocolate at times, and Caillou and hope and pray that he would fall asleep before she was done. But, of course not...THAT might have allowed me to have some peace....some sanity. I could hear her coming. My heart would start racing. I would feel short of breath. My head would start spinning. Panic. Here it comes....it is in the door...it is going to talk...REALLY LOUD...yep, it's her...

I swear she might as well have been ten feet fall during those times. She would drag toys in with her...the loudest toys she could find, the ones she NEVER played with otherwise. The whole experience was quite hideous. There were times I would find myself laughing, but only out of pure insanity.

My ThreeFootTallTotMonster is not totally gone...but one can hope we continue to see less and less of it and more and more of my sweet littletotgirl!

Regardless, she is a lovable little creature...just look at her....

Whether she is the ThreeFootTallTotMonster  or my sweet littletotgirl, I lovelovelove her like CRAZY!