TotShips

TotLife is Complicated! Who knew that being Three could be so hard? Billions of Mothers before Me, but I am just now learning this first hand. But, it's also full of fun and wonder as their minds absorb new things, make new connections...as Fisher Price would say, Play, Laugh, Grow!

TotFriendships. Yes, at age Three they are figuring out social relationships. Mackenzie has her favorite friends that she plays with at school. Sometimes these friends change for whatever reason and they form new little clicks. She also references arguments that they get into, usually seeming to involve someone not wanting to play with someone or two friends not wanting to play the same thing. She has used the word 'Boss,' to say that So and So is 'Not the boss.' One day she came home and reported that she had hidden in the 'kitchen' at school (the playkitchen in the room) and said something about hurting Saige and wanting to still be Saige's friend. From what Jeff says, they were in fact playing together when he got there. When I asked her more about it she said, 'I can't talk about it Momma.' Whatever happened, I think she felt bad.

Yes, at age Three they are already learning some of the painful lessons related to relationships and caring. As her Mother, it's hard not to worry as she goes through these things, seemingly too young to understand. But it's all a part of growing up, right? The mistakes. The hurt. The learning.  And, realistically, it is fortunate that she is in a positive, safe place where she has capable role models who guide her and her friends through the complications of Being Three and Being Friends! Through these experiences, they will - she will -  hopefully develop empathy, kindness, patience, the ability to compromise and negotiate, problem solve, share and take turns. Express her feelings, needs and wants and be able to respect the feelings, needs and wants of others. Accept similarities and differences. Yes, all this at age Three.

At home she gets to practice these same things as a Sister. I was talking to Julie about how her boys will fight at times. Much of it, at this time, is because Ben usually wants whatever Caleb has; Ben is almost Three and Caleb is Seven and a half. At their house, they can reason with Caleb and let him know that it's not fair but can he help out and give Ben something or do whatever is needed to deescalate the situation. Here, Mackenzie, at Three, is put in the position of having to be the Big Sibling. It's tough on her. She is still pretty egocentric and impulsive herself, at least she is when compared to a Seven and half year old. We can't really 'reason' with her. A little, but not totally. And, she also doesn't understand that we KNOW it is hard on her. We can say it, but, at this age, all she knows is feelings first, her feelings that is. I believe this is all good, but I can see how hard it is on her at times.

However, I can also see how she IS learning. And that is exciting. I see times when she will ask Zachy to play with her and will offer to share some cars with him. Sure, she gets ten and he gets two. But WOW! What effort. Also, she's pretty smart, so she KNOWS he doesn't know the difference. She will play with him at times on his level, imitating him and playing silly back and forth 'baby' games, thus showing some awareness of how he is different as a One year old and what his 'needs' are as such. She talks about being a good friend and what that means in reference to her friends and her brother as her 'friend.' She practices. So much of her imaginary play revolves around all the lessons she is learning about relationships. She gets all her Little People and Animals together. They take turns, ask if one another is 'Okay,' share and have fun. She acts it all out with them and chatters the whole time. Learning. Amazing.

I find it hard to believe that all this is going on for a Three year old. It seems impossible to imagine that she is capable of integrating such complex concepts already, but she is. As I said, I see it already, in little ways. But they are HUGE for her. And, I am proud of her. I am proud of her as I watch her so thoughtfully work through these things in play and in life. She is a sensitive little girl. And sweet and caring. I see it with her friends. I see it with us. I see it with her brother.

And now, for some TotMusings....

1.  Mackenzie really wanted me to get some 'real' pajamas. So, I came home one day with some cute Eeyore PJ's, which I thought would make her happy, since she loves Eeyore. I put 'em on and showed her and she got the biggest smile, tilted her head to the side and said, 'Momma you look so cute.'  Later that night, she said, 'I want to snuggle with your pajamas Momma.' And, she did, she cuddled up to my leg.
2. One day she called me the bathroom and said, 'Momma, I need you out of here because I need my privacy.' I left and she called me back again to tell me the same thing.
3. After asking her to come eat lunch she said, 'I can't. I doing my paperwork now.' Huh?
4. One day when she was playing Daycare, she had her babies all over and if anyone...Zachy...came near them she would scream. I told her she could not take over the house and said, 'I not going to take over the house. It the Pre-K room. Right now the babies are sleeping.' Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't realise this was the Pre-K. Okay then my Totgirl, by all means, take over.
5. At Preschool they sing a song about how 'Something good is going to happen today...' One day at home, she started singing, 'Something poo poo is going to happen today...'
6. She's really into being a 'Bigger Girl.'  Last week she asked, 'Momma, when I a bigger girl, will you get me a bra?' and, 'When I a bigger girl, will I have a baby.?'
7. The 'baby' thing is a bit of a theme for her. Today she said‎, 'When I grow up I going to be a Mommy' and 'When I grow up I going to ride a BIG bike!' Strangely similar...because with both, when you fall off, you have to get right back up and try again!
8. When we were outside today, she dropped off 'her' baby to me, who she referenced as 'Miss Kim' and told me, Miss Kim, 'I be back to pick up my baby. I go to jail now. See you in TWO.MORE.MINUTES!' Huh? Jail? What? Really?
9. A few days ago, I referred to her as a 'person' and she said, 'I not a person, I MACKENZIE!' Hey, at least she's honest!
10. And, since the theme of the initial post was about relationships, can you picture a bunch of Three Year Olds saying the following...together, before they eat lunch...

Thank you for the food we eat;

It's good for our bodies;

Bon Appetit!

Tell me that's not adorable!

TotPower

Today we had a playdate with Miss Ari, almost 3, and Miss Cate, almost 1 and their Momma,  Tess. A little fun for everyone. Our friends were kind enough to join us at our house. Totgirl and Ari played great. Just a few days ago I read somewhere that kids around this age have about an hour limit where they can play well together. Our girls probably did 2-3x that. Sure they had their moments, but perfection would be waywayway too much to expect or even shoot for. Probably helped that we took a lunchbreak, which was timed pretty well. Did I say timed? That would imply planning and organization, which both RAN out the door when I became a mother! But Tess and I were able to enjoy some yummy (If I do say so myself) sausage, pepper and bean soup out of the crockpot with a salad (from a bag, but it hit the spot) while our totlets munched on PB and J's

Back to the togirls...watching them evolve as friends over the last few years has been exciting. They first met as babies and now, almost 3 years later, are learning to take turns and play cooperatively (I use the term 'cooperatively' loosely...). I think they really took their totship to the next level a few months ago during a playdate at the courthouse. That was when the girls discovered how effectively they could push limits as duo. Talk about TOTPOWER!!!!! They learned that teamwork works. They ran together way past the boundary we had established and when we told them to come back, they looked at one another, shook their heads and smirked in unison, and ran farther, in the opposite direction, of course. They also played a more contained running game, and, while their individual rules were not always the same, they seemed to manage to make their rules mesh, so that they could continue to run and rest in harmony. It was absolutely delightful to watch, even the totboundarypushing. Gotta love their spirits, determination and spunk, afterall.
When Ari attended Totgirl's 3rd birthday party, the moment they saw one another, they ran off and it was like witnessing two partners in-crime in-action. Naturally they ran away and continued to go farther when we asked that they stop. We asked ourseleves and each other whether it would be quite as funny 10, 12 years from now? That's a bridge to be crossed another time.

Zachy and Cate hung in just fabulously through the playtime.mommytime. They even interacted a bit and briefly played blocks together. They were like two old friends who go waaayyyy back...at least 6-7 months...

Both of them were pushed beyond their comfortzones, not getting in their normal naps and being way more stimulated than usual, but they managed. Zachy is now, unfortunately, taking a nap at 4 pm. But, having the opportunity to connect with and enjoy friends is well worth the schedulebuster (another loosely used term....'schedulebuster,' since Zachy's adherence to a schedule is tenuous at best).

And, Zachy is now the proud new owner of....drumroll please....a PILLOWPET! An ever-so-totally-adorable TurtlePet. He loves it already, I can tell. He loved rubbing it and feeling how soft it was; He took a little rest, not nap, but a rest, on it after they left; I took the tag off and he kept trying to place it back on. So, yesyesyes, he LOVES his TurtlePillowPet.

And, for Totgirl, also as a belated birthday present, she was given her first set of Littlest Pet Shop characters. I see a collection in my favorite little hoarder's future. She took them with her to snuggle with during her shortlived fauxnap.

So, that was today. A BIG THANKS to MommaTess, AriTot and babyCate for a wonderful time and much loved and appreciated gifts!